By Jay Miller
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. -- Sources say a local actress blamed the recent coronavirus pandemic for the lack of audience members at her one-woman show this weekend.
"That's gotta be it," said Lori Howitzer, the performer in question. "They're all afraid of the virus, and that's why they didn't come. There's no other explanation for why my friends and family wouldn't show."
Howitzer went on to explain that her one-woman show, 'Lori's Story,' told the story of her life from her birth to the present day. While there were some attendees at her Saturday matinee, those that replied 'going' and 'maybe' to her Facebook invitation were absent.
"That's part of it," said Rebecca Sharp, one of Howitzer's co-workers. "Pretty much everyone is at least a little bit worried about the virus, but I was also pretty taken aback when I heard the runtime was over three hours. If Lori asks, though, the others and I stayed home because of the virus."
Others echoed the same sentiments that Howitzer invited, including her family members.
"Lori is so creative," said Barbara Howitzer, Lori's mother. "But her father and I have to be careful. We're not getting any younger, and this bug targets older folks, you know. Also, Lori's father fell asleep during her last performance, and his snoring hurt her feelings, so it's probably best to stay away from the theater, to be safe."
At press time, Howitzer reached out to our staff and offered us free tickets to her next performance, which reminded us that we were feeling under the weather but would love to come out to the next one.
